Blind as a bat

That's a bit of hyperbole, but my old lady eyes are really getting the best of me. I don't like having to work to read so I wear reading glasses, which in turn, makes it impossible to read without them. I notice it especially at work where I'm on the computer or having to read the numbers off of a barcode or missing the sharpness on a student's school photo when I'm looking someone up to identify them. 

I've realized if the body composition fairy came to visit and gave me one wish, I wouldn't choose to erase the wrinkles on my face or smooth out the lumps on my torso and legs. Declining hearing has it's inconveniences, but that's something I'd be happy to live with if it meant that I could get new eyeballs (Yes, I know that it's actually a lens problem, not an eyeball thing). There is nothing like the magic of being able to see clearly all the time. Too bad I took it for granted for 39 years . . . 

Anyway, this reading glasses thing has gotten old because I read all the time. Even if I'm not reading books, I'm reading the computer screen, my phone messages, the ingredients list on a food item, the dosage on the children's Motrin bottle (impossible -- even with my +1 reading glasses I still have to have one of the kids read the tiny print for me.) 

I have reading glasses stashed all over the house, but invariably I can't find a pair. I might end up with 3 at work and none at home or none in my purse when I get to work -- don't laugh, but that day I actually had to take pictures of things with my phone and zoom in to get by.

It has been bothering me so much that I have been telling Josh that I want him to take me to the eye doctor so I could get a contact for reading and then use my other eye for normal vision. Yes, I suppose I could have taken myself to an eye place, but since he has 1/2 a lifetime of glasses/contacts/eye exam experience and I haven't, I thought I should go in with my local expert. Plus, he's way better at interpreting accented English. I think he finally took me seriously when I couldn't find my nightstand glasses and had to have him read a text for me off my super big screened phone. The next day we were in the mall for something else and he marched me straight into the first optical shop that we saw. 

The doctor/optician talked me into getting bifocal contacts because she didn't like the one eye thing. Something about too much pressure on one eye and no pressure on the other?  . . . whatever. Just let me see again. I did the nifty computerized eye exam and second guessed my way through all the "which one is clearer?" questions. So stressful -- I'm not sure which one is clearer or not. Maybe . . . number 1? 

A week later my order came in and then I was magically able to see! Um, no. I've spent a week fooling around with these suckers, and while I know I'm headed in the right direction, there have been a few bumps in the road. 

First of all, I went home and prepared to put in my first eyeball. I fished around in the saline pocket . . . nothing. What, did I get an empty one? I held the container up to the light . . . I can't see anything in there. Of course I also can't really see anything up close anyway, thus the need for contacts in the first place. 

Oh, there's this paper-thin dragonfly wing stuck to the tip of my finger -- wait, that's my contact?! So I guess it was in there, but so thin I couldn't feel it, and so blind that I couldn't see it. Good thing I didn't lose it in the process of trying to find it. With the lens perched on the tip of my finger, I proceed to mash it into my eyeball unsuccessfully for the next 20 minutes. 

I finally got them both in, but still couldn't see any better than before. The doctor told me that they would have the reading portion at the bottom of the lens and that they were weighted so they would rotate into position on their own. I rolled my eyes up and down, back and forth, but couldn't find any spot on the lens that would give me extra power for reading. Grrrr. 

An aside: After 3 days Josh figured out (thanks Google) that my brand of lenses aren't the kind that the doc described. Instead, they have rings of magnification that your brain learns to use as needed. That would have been nice to know before I about set myself crosseyed and poked myself in the eye a hundred times trying to figure out where my reading spot was. 

And my right eye hasn't been all that happy with its new "best friend." It has been red and scratchy no matter how many times or different ways I try to put the contact in. I was so happy when I finally made a breakthrough: 

Yes, it fell out of my eye somehow and fat chance of ever finding it again. Good thing I have a whole pack of lenses, but at this rate my 6 month supply is going to last 2 weeks. 

After a week of experimenting I can say that they do help me read better, but I need them to be a bit stronger. Printed text is still a bit fuzzy and reading numbers ends up being an educated guess (which is an improvement over a wild guess, but still). So back to the eye doctor this week. Hopefully I can explain what kind of improvement I need and have them work. And have my eyes be happy at being blanketed all day. Even with gummy feeling eyes and endless eyedrops and partially blurry vision, it's still WAY BETTER than keeping track of glasses. 

Next I will need science to invent an easy lens (or eyeball) replacement process and then have surgery to fix it for good, but at least I have the option for contacts until they invent my robotic eye.